This Bitter Earth

This bitter earth
What fruit it bears
What good is love
That no one shares
And if my life is like the dust
That hides the glow of a rose
What good am I
Heaven only knows

This bitter Earth
Can it be so cold
Today you're young
Too soon your old
But while a voice
Within me cries
I'm sure someone
May answer my call
And this bitter earth
May not be so bitter after all

- Dinah Washington
She died at the age of 39. She was married 8 times and divorced 7 times.


Today is Wednesday 09/09/09. Wednesday has 9 letters, September has 9 letters and it's the 252nd day of the calendar. 2+5+2 = 9. and it's 9:09 am.

We see what we want to see. We need to see what needs to be seen.


So Delhi got bombed yesterday, like so many other bombings over the past few years. A militant Islamist group claims responsibility, as if it's some sort of achievement. I say they should rather be ashamed. For one, they picked up the holy month of Ramadan to do this unholy act. I remember reading somewhere that Muslims are prohibited to indulge in violence especially during Ramadan. For two, they are stupid to assume that only infidels would be killed and not muslims in such a busy public place. For three, bombing is not a courageous act anyways, all you do is plant a bomb in a garbage box and run to call yourself a hero?! And four, and I know you wouldn't be intelligent enough to understand this but your hideous act only makes your ideology repulsive and it's detrimental to your own cause.

Dear terrorists, please do me a favor--I hope all true muslims will join me in this--and don't call yourselves muslims because your violence has got nothing to do with Islam. Violence and religion don't go together so don't bring shame to a religion. I, like many others, grew up with a belief that Islam is a peace loving religion and God is truly merciful and compassionate. Your actions go against Islam and Inshallah, you will go down in history as worst munafiqeen.

No kidding, kids!

The holy month of Ramadan is running. Even though I am not a Muslim but I have been associated with muslims for a long time, so I can't wait to see how this month brings happiness to familiar muslim faces.

Anyways, the first day of Ramadan I was going to meet my Muslim friend and I was walking down this street in posh neighborhood with high-end restaurants on both sides. I see two girls walking in the opposite direction, towards me--one was 10-11 and the other was 15-16. When they came closer, this younger girl made a disugusting sound as if she is gonna puke right there. She only meant to catch my attention though, and when I looked at her she distorted her nose and calls me, "Mohammed"! It was followed by a lot of facial gymnastics with her desperate attempt to make me angry.

It's not like it's the first time my brown skin has been targetted for abuse but I didn't expect it from a girl so young! Even if I don't take it personally but it's not like I have to be a Muslim to feel how would they feel about it. It's rather sickening how hatred is penetrating kids and much worse that adults don't seem to be doing much about it. And what did I do in response to that girl, anyways? All I said was, "Christ! I am scared!" and smiled and walked away.
  • Current Mood
    shocked shocked

Why Muslims fail me?

Ahmed says he can't be friends with me anymore because I am friends with Jews and any friend of them is no less a kafir. His list of complaints is very long. Ultimately and sadly, I lose a friend and a brother.

I so truly wish Dale Carnegie had written a book "How to make Muslim friends". Or wish they had a course like "Muslims 101" that I could do. Over the past 3 years most of my friendship with muslims ended up on a bad note. I don't have any problem like this with Christians, Jews, atheists etc. so I don't know where the problem lies.

For the past 3 year I had been very much interested in Islamic culture and muslims. Apart from the other reasons, the motivation factor was a very devout muslim I came across before moving to USA. I could sense he derived such excellence in character from his faith Islam. When I asked why doesn't he proselytize he said he knows his own flaws and he doesn't think he is good enough to proselytize someone. He said that a man needs to perfect himself before he could recruit someone to join him in his beliefs, cause or institution. After a pause he said: "Always go too far, because that's where you'll find the truth." The words stuck to me for days, recently I came to know that they were Albert Camus' words.

I did go too far but I didn't know he would be the last muslim with whom I would have good experience. In my US university, there was a muslim who assumed I was a muslim so he was very nice to me. One day when I said I hate terrorism, to my utter surprise he asked "Aren't you a Muslim?". And that was the last day he was nice to me. If he thought I hate muslims then it's his misunderstanding. It's not me who is equating terrorism with muslims, it's him.

Then there was this great roommate of mine, a Pakistani. He was the first real blow to all my hopes from a muslim. I really hoped I could learn a lot about Islamic culture from him so I let him stay at my place without worrying for rent. Indeed that was the price I was more than willing to forgo to learn about muslims. He also said he was in real need of shelter and money so I almost fought with my Indian Hindu roomies to let him stay in my room. I lied to my other Indian colleagues that he doesnt live with me. My roomies even showed me in his laptop the kind of Hindu hater he was. Still, almost blindly I let him stay because it was Ramdan. I would buy Halal food for him and feel good about it as it was Ramdan. And it was Ramdan when he said he would pay the rent later. But my Indian colleagues were right. After 3-4 months, after I left the city, when I asked for rent he shamelessly stopped talking to me. Dude, were you the same guy who thought of himself as a da'ee? Were you the same guy who said I should convert? I can see what kind of positive example you are setting for non-muslims.

Still, I carried on. Two of my Jewish friends, me and another pakistani muslim thought of sharing the cost of some books. After the books arrived the paki said he would pay after copying the books and then he never paid anything. Later he tells me that he doesn't feel like sharing anything with Jews and he doesn't think he cheated by not paying. He didn't even pay me. Great dude, I am proud of you!

Still I didn't give up hope and took a major step of living with 3 Indian muslims for 20 months, only to see the hatred they had for me for assuming me a kafir! They ended up trying to break my laptop and stole my 500 bucks. I listened to naat. I ate only halal. Even I kept roje for the entire Ramdan, still their hatred wouldn't subside. And they had the guile to call me a kafir when one of them wouldn't mind doing an*l during the holy month, when one of them was cheating on his wife and the other would drink alcohol and was a habitual thief. And I could never forget that one of them uttered obscenities at me right before we were about to go to the mosque for namaz, in Ramdan, just because he knew that I know that he had been secretly breaking his fast?! Is this how you humiliate the one who wants to know about Islam? Thank you.

There are lot many awful experiences and I haven't yet spoken about you. I have forgotten lot of stuff and there are really some unmentionable stuff. Three years ago I was in high spirits about knowing muslims. Still I love muslims as much as I love others. It doesn't make me a racist, some would call stupid probably, but I don't mind. I took great steps that I don't know how many people would be willing to take. Yes, I've read Quran, with Tafseer and good Niyyat. I learned about Namaz and the process of Wuzu. And let me tell you what? Muslims didn't help me in understanding of Quran either. It's upto God to give someone nek hidayat.

And after getting to know Islam from the authentic sources (and not youtube or people like you) I can say that Islam is about goodness. It's the kind of muslims I came across that make it look otherwise. I was dumb about Islam three years before, thank God I studied. I am really sad that every good step I took towards Islam was crushed by Muslims themselves. I wouldn't make blanket generalization about muslims based on "several" bad experiences nor could I question the goodness in a religion by those who "pretend" to follow it but that's just me. Not everyone would go through all the pains and toleration of what I went through. I would allow my hope survive thanks to the one I met 3 years ago.

Yes, Ahmed, I wish I could tell this to you on your face but I didn't want to hurt you. I never made any efforts to befriend Jews or Christians but they still helped me whenever I was in need and whenever they could. For me, that is the basis of friendship. Kafir is a very big accusation, my ex-friend. And I am sure Quran says that accusing someone loosely as a kafir is a sin too. I remember from Quran that munafiqs are much worse than mushrikuns or even kafirs. And I think that the biggest disbelievers are those who publicly state their beliefs but make no efforts to follow it. Also, it's not what underneath that defines you, it's what you do. God is really great! Not only I believe it but I know it. And He doesn't need you to prove that He is great but a disbeliever would give example of you to prove it wrong, so watch your action first.


just for lol

Shikan-e-zulf-e-ambaree kyon hai?
Nigah-e-chashm-e-soorma sa kya hai?

I don't exactly know the meaning of it but it's supposed to be funny, lol.

Say NO to coffee

Why the fu*k I had 5 large cups of coffee yesterday evening! I can't sleep now! Now I would need more coffee to keep myself up today! I swear I never used to drink coffee until two months back when somebody spoiled me.

Pathless Land

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

- Tolkien